Dear Pam,

I am in total panic over this paper, because it needs to be perfect, and I don't think I did enough research and the professor doesn't like me and I don't know what to do next and there are too many possibilities because he didn't narrow the topic down and tell me how to write a thesis statement and I think I'm gonna be sick. What can I do now to get an A on this paper that's due day after tomorrow?

-- Alphonse


Dear Al,

Shut up and write as if your next meal depends on it.

Sincerely,
Pam

P.S. Swear off conjunctions.